‘What am I doing with my life?’

I haven’t blogged in quite a while now. It’s not that I haven’t had things to write about. In fact, I’ve probably had more than ever!

And yet, still, whilst my drafts folder has grown ever larger and hundreds of pages in my journal have been filled, nothing has successfully made it through my approval processes to appear on your laptop, tablet and phone screens.

Why?

When people ask me, ‘What do you want to do with your life?’, in my mind the answer is pretty simple:

I want to travel, connect, share and inspire.

I want to write.

I am a writer.

I might not be the best writer. There are English lessons at school in which I wish I had paid more attention. Lessons on sentence structure. Lessons on poetic foundations. Lessons on verb usage and pronoun placement. Not least, the lesson on what an ‘adverb’ is…

Regardless, writing is what I love to do. The way sentences flow. The way sounds and syllables bounce from one word to the next. I read my blogs over and over again. I fall in love with the rhymes and the rhythms. I change words over and over in my efforts to perfect their sequence and timing. I mightn’t ever succeed. But it fills me with great joy.

I remember getting in trouble early in high school for sending an inappropriate message to a classmate of mine. She showed a teacher. There was no denying it. It was there in black and white. Sooner or later Mum found out. She scolded me, of course, but added an important message:

‘Paul, be careful what you write, there’s no taking it back. It’s there for all to see. No he said she said. It’s clear. Words spoken might be misheard or misunderstood. But the written word is different. Tread with caution.’

I paraphrase. But the point is clear.

The written word is powerful.

I first started writing properly soon after I left school. I was deeply depressed. Inspiration was easy to find. In six months I’d filled three complete A4 notebooks. These reside in my bookcase back at the family home in Brisbane. Sometimes when I visit I sit on my floor and re-read some of these.

It’s inspiring and energising to remind myself of how far I  have come. And whilst much has changed since then the many core ideals I have toward the world and humanity still remain.

When people comment on my writing they note with admiration the honesty through which I communicate. This is a great compliment. It is the foundation on which I have come to base all of my writing:

Honesty, Transparency and Authenticity.

And so to continue in this theme, I have something to share:

I woke up this morning feeling just about as bad as I ever have. I wanted to go to the beach this morning. To soak up some sun. But the grey skies loomed large overhead. The gym was also an option but the pizza hangover gave me every reason to bury that idea beneath the mountain of duvet and pillows in which my body found itself comfortably intertwined.

I thought about seeing friends. But this seemed merely a portal through which to maintain my connection with the world of sex, drugs and rock and roll. Well, sex, drugs and EDM.

It’s not a world to which I want to remain connected. And yet it does create the means for connection with other humans. The alternative? To spend my Wednesday morning sat in a cafe, alone, writing.

I remind myself:

Better to be alone than in the company of wolves.

I check my phone, searching for additional motivation. I have a notification. A WordPress notification for my old blog Greatness Via Passion. For many months I have tried to access this blog after the domain name expired. And yet it seemed to have disappeared. Strange it now was to discover that people were still reading it. And still liking it!

This was my motivation to get up.

And now, here I am, about to finish my first post in over two months. Stoked.

I have many ideas about what will come next in my life. This year has taught me so much and I feel closer than ever to the person God intended for me to be.

Perhaps I am not so much a writer as I am a helper. And the gift God has given me through which I am to help the world is my ability to write. Though there is still much for me to learn about this.

There will come a rebirth of Life of PJ now. A new direction. A new focus. And new blogs far more often! They might not always be pretty. But they will be honest. They will be me. And if you’re interested in sharing this ride, to learn and to be inspired, then I’d love for you to join me.

PJ.

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